[For the record, most of these gifs are from a little Buzzfeed article entitled "The Hills Explains Vladimir Putin Invading Ukraine". I would really recommend reading that as well. It will give you a whole new understanding of the crisis going on over there.]
The most controversial season of the Bachelor has finally come to a close and this time, ABC producers weren't just saying that to get viewers.
The Finale was last night and if you didn't watch, you can either not read this or refer to the first part of this post for how I feel about people who are "above" watching the Bachelor.
Here is my recap of the finale as told by the cast of my favorite Laguna Beach spinoff, The Hills...
So we start out with the two gals that are left. I, of course, introduce them in order of sanity.
And then there's Clare
JP and Clare go visit his fam and she takes 30 minutes to say each sentence due to her frequent pauses and her struggle to form words other than "love" and "Juan Pablo". She also says her mom is Mexican but that she has no idea how to speak Spanish
Clare meets JPs daughter. Camila takes one look at her and is just like....
At the ripe age 4 (or 5, not really sure) Camila is already lightyears ahead of her dad intelligence-wise. She obvi saw right through Clare and her psychotic fakeness.
Fast forward past all the unecessary details to Nikki meeting the fam. She's already met JPs daughter, so Camila is like "oh, this bitch again?"
JPs mom tells each of the girls some things they may not know about her precious son, and they bond over how irrational he is.
Clare goes on a fun little helicopter ride with Juanny P and when the cameras and mics are off, he says something that "no girl would ever want to hear." Clare is all like...
Dear Clare: I can think of millions of things worse than what JP said to you.
1. Nikki is pregnant
2. I am actually a woman
3. I would rather date Chris Harrison than you
There are plenty more, but I won't waste any more of your time. Next time, don't be so dramatic.
Then Nikki has her date and there is literally nothing interesting about it. They just kiss a lot, which is what 75% of this season consisted of anyway
After the date, Nikki gives JP a photo of them from earlier in the season, an adorable heartfelt note, and tells him she loves him. He responds by kissing her on the forehead and saying "See you tomorrow."
Cue the crying.
It's the day of the final rose ceremony. Nikki wears a slutty prom dress and Clare wears earrings that clash horribly with her gown.
Clare arrives by boat and is ecstatic as ever. Clearly she has forgotten about the sketchy convo they had a few nights ago. Juan Pablo spouts off some mumbo jumbo like...
......but then tells her he's sending her home.
Clare is stunned and throws a temper tantrum.
She throws in a few jabs including "I would never want my children to have a father like you" and "I thought I knew what kind of man you were."
JP is just like....
and says "I'm glad I didn't pick her."
Finally, Nikki arrives and JP tells her how much he likes her, but that he doesn't want to propose yet. She's all like...
But secretly she's thinking...
Meanwhile the whole audience and all the viewers hear "no proposal" and we're all just like
Clare and all the other girls are just like
And then Clare leaves the viewing party before JP comes out because she "doesn't want to hear any more BS" or something...
I'd say my most favorite part of this whole thing was hearing my two faves, Sean and Catherine, act like total pros and let JP and Nikki know they're going about this whole thing the wrong way.
"Don't bite the hand that fed you" - Catherine, referring to the Bachelor producers.
I love her...
We then hear the news that I've been waiting to hear since the "eees ok" fiasco...
ANDI IS THE NEW BACHELORETTE!
[We all know I am hardcore #TeamAndi]
She comes out and is all like...
She knows how cool she is and how much everyone loves her....
I cannot wait for next season.
What were your thoughts on the finale?